I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i love accidental penises.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
