Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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