i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
