Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
