All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
