Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
