but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
