btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
