It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Green mimosas i think yes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize