She is in my trunk
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize