My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
