all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
