Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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