Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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