Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
