id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
