i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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