Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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