every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
