What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
