if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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