I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
