So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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