Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
