Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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