i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
