I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
