He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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