Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
