Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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