as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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