i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
