I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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