Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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