That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
