I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
