how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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