508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
