if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
