i need an iv and a liver transplant
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
