i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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