Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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