I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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