The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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