Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
