very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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