this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
