I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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