Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
