If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
