He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
