you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Couch. On fire.
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