i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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