i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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