Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
