Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
