if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
