and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
