Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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