so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
