How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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